sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
