I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize