tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize