he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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