i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
