How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
