Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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