i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My ass is underappreciated
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize