Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
