Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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