hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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