Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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