This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
