oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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