honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
