the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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