I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
