wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
