We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
