I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
