There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
