You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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