I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize