I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
