Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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