I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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