My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
