yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
