He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
