the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
