If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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