I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
