jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
