i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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