I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
