i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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