we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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