we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
