i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
