My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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