He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize