shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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