please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
