Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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