I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
