Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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