I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
