I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So much rum. So many feels.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
