I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
