oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
