I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
