We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
