I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
