her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
