DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
