$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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