were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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