I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
