my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
