May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
