I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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