you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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