We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
