I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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