so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
