marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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