your room smells of hookers.
And success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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