you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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