dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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