There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
