I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
