please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
