I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
