You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
