She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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